How bitter is this poor chap?  On a recent walk, I came across several of these signs and realized that an unhappy customer is likely to take matters, literally, to the streets.  Apparently this individual was so bitter about poor craftsmanship that he took it upon himself to print up signage on his computer and attach it to the offending advertisements that are found in what could only be viewed as a sleepy, suburban town.  Additionally, he used scissors to cut out the painter's phone number, a guarantee that no one else would suffer an over-sprayed chimney.

No matter what one does for a living or who one does it for, customer service is key.  As I was taught by my dear old mum, treat everyone as you would like to be treated and you won't have a problem.  Facebook, Twitter, Google and more allow for anyone and everyone to be a critic so you must always be putting your best paw forward and conducting yourself as if you are up for top prize at the Westminster Dog Show.  And if that's not enough of a threat, remember that there is a disgruntled gent who is traveling the area with a staple gun and a sharp object.  And you thought dogs were dangerous.

Cordially yours,

Parker Presley

Parker Presley is known in certain social circles as the preeminent expert in etiquette and invites you to contact him with even the most embarrassing question or tricky situation so that you, too, may be top dog in any setting.  Please contact him at parkerpresley@epicureanCG.com.

I was recently switching out my winter collars for my spring collection when I happened upon a copy of Madame Emtage's book, Dear Lady - Don't!, One Hundred Ways to Improve Your Personality, published in 1951.  Clearly Madame Emtage is QUITE impressed with herself, as every single rule (yes, darlings, she dubs them "rules") starts with "Don't" and is followed up with an exclamation point.  In today's society, per my observations from the ground level of canine-land, women aren't fond of being told what to do and how to do it.  But after pawing through this little wonder of the written word, I realized that grace is always in vogue and pieces of Madame Emtage's advice works for men, women, and even man's best friend, with a bit (or a bunch) of editing for 2012.  There is so much information to share - one hundred in all - I thought it best to post one rule at a time periodically throughout the year.  As always, I relish your comments.  I, of course, have only one request - don't shoot the messenger.  Sincerely yours, The Messenger.  Exclamation point.

Rule 82: Don't Complain!
About your job, your boss, your husband, your home, your family, your friends, your maid, your health...and particularly, the weather!  Complaining women are unappealing women.  They are unsuccessful women.  They are unlovable women.  So, don't complain - about anything.  Be a cheerful companion! A grin is better than a groan.  Reflect positive, not negative, living!

Cordially yours,

Parker Presley

Parker Presley is known in certain social circles as the preeminent expert in etiquette and invites you to contact him with even the most embarrassing question or tricky situation so that you, too, may be top dog in any setting.  Please contact him at parkerpresley@epicureanCG.com

Napkins, while adding to the festive look of any table, are meant to be used. There is no need to lick your chops like some, dare I say, junkyard dog. Generally, you should place your napkin on your lap immediately upon sitting at the table. The fold should face you and the point should face towards the floor. When leaving the table, loosely fold your napkin and place it to the left of your plate. Don’t crumble! Don’t wad! Don’t ball! There is no reason to punish an innocent piece of linen created solely for the purpose of keeping your pucker pretty.

Once you know the basics of using your napkin, PP suggests you embrace your creative side. Try this napkin fold at your next gathering, or Bachelor finale dinner party, and you will come out smelling like a rose.

Step 1: With the napkin placed flat in a diamond in front of you, fold the top corner of the napkin down to the bottom corner of the napkin.

Step 2: Take the left corner and fold it over to the right corner.

Step 3: Take the bottom corner and fold it up to the right corner. You should end up with a small upside-down triangle.

Step 4: Fold the bottom corner up halfway to the top side.

Step 5: Fold the bottom half up to the top half.

Step 6: Flip the napkin over on the other side.

Step 7: Starting at one end, roll the napkin tightly.

Step 8: Place the rose bud in the top of a wine glass. Be careful not to let it drop to the bottom on the glass. Gently let go of the rose and let it “bloom” to where the rim of the glass is holding it up.

 

Cordially yours,

Parker Presley

Parker Presley is known in certain social circles as the preeminent expert in etiquette and invites you to contact him with even the most embarrassing question or tricky situation so that you, too, may be top dog in any setting. Please contact him at parkerpresley@epicureanCG.com.

I recently witnessed a small gathering of mothers and children. I know what you are thinking, darlings, that the children misbehaved. Oh - so not the case! I was shocked that these smart, savvy, lovely women did not take the time or energy to introduce themselves to one another. Tsk tsk. They made themselves busy slicing apples and wiping little mouths but never once smiled and said, "Hello, I’m (insert name here)" to one another. I must say, the canine breed seems to do a better job at introductions than the human race! At least we acknowledge our fellow puppy pals, even if we are from an unusual breed or a different dog house. Why would one take the time to join a gathering without actually joining?

Dears – please remember that everyone else is in the same boat. It can be daunting to walk into a room full of people you don’t know and start a conversation but I promise you that the person on the receiving end will be so grateful that you opened the door to a conversation and, who knows, a friendship! After all, life is too short to stand around and wipe little faces. Here are a few simple tips for making a connection:

 

Step one:

"Hi, I’m (insert name here)" with a smile and, if appropriate, a handshake. This works in EVERY situation – weddings, holiday parties, business meetings, traffic stops, etc.

Step two:

A relative comment or question such as:

"How do you know the bride and groom" or

"What’s your favorite holiday tradition" or

"Your gun is so shiny, officer!"

Step three:

Get them talking. If your co-conversationalist answers with basically anything, you’ve got a back-and-forth at the ready. For example:

"I was previously married to the bride" could lead to "She’s not that

pretty anyway so you were smart to move on" or

"My favorite holiday tradition is PBR in a can" could lead to "I’ve heard beer is a great furniture polish"

 

Wherever you find yourself, know that there is a kindred spirit in the room and it is YOUR job to make the first move. When it comes to introductions, be the alpha dog. 

Cordially yours,

Parker Presley

 

Parker Presley is known in certain social circles as the preeminent expert in etiquette and invites you to contact him with even the most embarrassing question or tricky situation so that you, too, may be top dog in any setting. Please contact him at parkerpresley@epicureancg.com.

 

 

How to Navigate the Holiday Table

 

So much time and effort is put into creating the perfect holiday meal, but when you and your guests are doing the soft-shoe shuffle around the dining table, things can get a little tricky. Do you sit first? Last? Do you wait for the hostess to sit down? Do you sit next to your spouse? Across from Steve-I-Am-Louder-than-Anyone-Here? Miles away from the 18 month-old who is not only teething but practicing his right hook?

 

The easiest and kindest thing to do as a host is to put together place cards. If you are part of a couple and hosting guests, the host and the hostess should sit at the head of the table. The male guest of honor and/or the eldest male should be seated to the hostess’ right and the female guest of honor and/or eldest female should be seated to the right of the host. The remainder of the guests should then be seated in a male/female alternating fashion.  Separating spouses is best, allowing for more interesting conversation among diners. And think how happy Steve-I-Am-Louder-than-Anyone-Here’s wife will be with this rare opportunity.

 

If you are a single poodle hosting an event, you should be seated at the head of the table and the female guest of honor should be at the other end. Again, guests should then be seated in a male/female alternating fashion. Female guests should be seated first with the hostess as the last lady to be seated. The men should follow suit with the host as the final guest to take his seat.

 

This holiday season, be thankful for true friends, a strong family, divine food and the comfort and joy that comes with good manners.

 

Cordially yours,

 

 

Parker Presley

Parker Presley is known in certain social circles as the preeminent expert in etiquette and invites you to contact him with even the most embarrassing question or tricky situation so that you, too, may be top dog in any setting. Please contact him at parkerpresley@epicureanCG.com.

Tipping can be a tricky business.  The rules of etiquette are constantly changing and the landscape of entertaining (both for business and socially) continues to re-align due to the economic climate.  While there is a vast list to cover, let’s simply focus on the most common questions – though I will just say that tipping your dog walker is crucial, for obvious reasons.

 

Transportation:

If you are lucky enough to find yourself in a limousine, 15-20 percent is appropriate and expected for good service.

 

If you have driven yourself to a private event, the valet retrieving your automobile will expect a few dollars.

 

If someone has assisted in directing your loud, obnoxious, over-served self into their car and driven you home after a party, consider a phone call the following day and a small token of appreciation.  A gift basket or certificates for a local car wash specializing in automobile carpet-cleaning is always a nice touch.

 

Restaurants:

Protocol states that a tip of 20 percent of the bill less wine and taxes is appropriate.  I find that most diners generally tip 15-20 percent of the entire bill so it is an individual’s choice in many cases.

 

One to two dollars for restroom and coat check attendants, three dollars to the valet and five dollars for the doorman who hailed a taxi is appropriate and appreciated.

 

Hotels:

My oh my there are so many individuals to acknowledge at a hotel!  First and foremost, of course, are those kind souls who are employed by those forward-thinking establishments that invite canine guests to sleep, eat and play in the lap of the luxury.  I suggest going BIG here as we dogs are known as “man’s best friend” and how does one put a price on friendship?

 

As for the other individuals involved in making your stay memorable, below is a very brief overview:

 

Doorman - $3-$5 for parking and having your car brought from the garage or for hailing a taxi

 

Bellman - $5-$10 depending on the amount of luggage  and $3-$5 every time a bellman brings something special to your room such as a toothbrush or a newspaper.  If something (or someone) very special is brought to your room, as in Mr. Sheen’s case, then tip accordingly – Parker Presley is above such antics so I leave it to one’s individual discretion

 

Room Service – 20 percent of the total - check your bill as this amount may be already included in your charge

 

Maid Service - $5 or more per night, depending on how many guests in the room or if you happen to be Charlie Sheen and have destroyed yet another suite at The Plaza after being affected by too much “cold medicine”

 

Concierge – If the concierge has garnered tickets to a sold-out show, reservations at a new restaurant or access to an exclusive event, anywhere from $10-$50, along with a note of thanks to both the concierge and the hotel manager is appreciated

 

When in doubt, ask for insight from owners or managers and remember that great service should always be recognized and rewarded

 

Cordially yours,

 

Parker Presley

 

Parker Presley is known in certain social circles as the preeminent expert in etiquette and invites you to contact him with even the most embarrassing question or tricky situation so that you, too, may be top dog in any setting. Please contact him at parkerpresley@epicureanCG.com.

 

Texting and facebooking and emailing leave me nostalgic for the past when one simply donned a smile, buckled into the latest leash and yipped a cordial greeting to friends and colleagues whilst walking along the lane. But even PP understands that times have changed. In my day, the art of conversation was practiced and perfected; now I am hearing from the younger puppies that leaving messages can cause even the most confident canine a hiccup now and again.

 

In order to do anything well – whether one is competing in the Westminster Dog Show (I’ve been asked more times than I care to count but prior commitments prevent it) or leaving a voicemail message – preparation is key.

 

Be Prepared: List, on paper, the key points assuring both you and the recipient that the information you are sharing is clear and concise. Should you get flustered, simply hang up and ring again when you have gathered both your wits and your thoughts.

 

Be Nice, Be Clear, Be Quick: First impressions are always important, even in the world of faceless communication. So start out with a polite greeting, explain why you are calling and leave details as to how you may be reached. Here’s a recent example:

 

“Cheerio, Parker Presley calling. Prince William’s lovely bride-to-be is in desperate need of a spray tan and you’ve come highly recommended by my friend and yours, Sir Elton John. I look forward to your return call by tomorrow morning as the wedding is mere days away. Please ring me at 020.555.5555 so that we may discuss the best ways to make our future queen glow! Again, Parker Presley at 020.555.5555. Adieu for now.”

 

Needless to say, that call was promptly and, might I add, discreetly returned. Remember, darlings, you can say just about anything if you say it with style.

 

Cordially yours,

 

Parker Presley

 

Parker Presley is known in certain social circles as the preeminent expert in etiquette and invites you to contact him with even the most embarrassing question or tricky situation so that you, too, may be top dog in any setting. Please contact him at parkerpresley@epicureanCG.com.

On several occasions, I’ve seen many an individual struggle with the bread basket, the bread and butter plate and even the bread itself. Fear not the bread basket my dears! When you are the first to be introduced to a basket of warm rolls – and what a delight it is - offer it first to the guest to your left, then take a piece for yourself and then share it with the guest on your right. That guest should then continue to pass it around the table. 

 

A roll should be pulled apart gently with your fingers. No need to saw your roll in half, open it like a dictionary and begin slapping it with butter. You’d be breaking the hearts of pastry chefs around the globe with such rough treatment!  Instead, gently pull a bite size piece of bread off the roll, help yourself to a pat of butter from the butter dish, place your pat of  butter on your bread and butter plate and then, with your knife (not the knife found in the communal butter dish), butter each piece of bread as you go along.   

 

Should you be treated to a muffin, piece of toast, sticky bun or Danish, then use your knife to cut the delicacy in half and butter or jelly the halves or pieces separately as you enjoy them. If an English muffin is being served and you wish to add honey or butter or jam (as you should – these ladies that partake in a dry English muffin are just a little too flawless for even yours truly), spoon the condiment of choice onto your plate first and then spread it on the muffin with your knife.

 

Of course, all breads should be on your bread and butter plate that will be found at the upper left corner of your dinner plate. If a bread and butter plate is not included at the place setting, simply place your bread and any accompaniments such as butter or jam on the edge of your main course plate.

 

So there it is, darlings – enjoy and remember that table manners are the bread and butter of all successful social situations.  

 

Cordially yours,

Parker Presley

Parker Presley is known in certain social circles as the preeminent expert in etiquette and invites you to contact him with even the most embarrassing question or tricky situation so that you, too, may be top dog in any setting. Please contact him at parkerpresley@epicureanCG.com.